I love this, *and* I've tried to return to occasionally sending a friendly email just *because,* which feels like a throwback to the way we used to use email/to my life before email was so much of my work. (And Emily is one of my favorite people to talk to in any format, and one of very few people I'm not related to that I'll still actually call to talk! So whatever you were checking in about, I hope it was great!)
Oh my gosh I just connected that y’all might live close to one another, and of course your friends—that makes so much sense with both of your brilliance! I love the idea of a just because email.
I think more than the emoji (which doesn't fit), the exclamation point has become the signifier of friendliness in emails. One is almost a requesite...at the very least for the first back and fourth of the communication. But two or more is immediately excessive. And conversely, exclamation points on social media are always too much, even if that too much is often the point. Using them to actually exclaim something feels so quaint to me anymore...like visiting a bed and breakfast or something.
oh my gosh, the quaintness of a bed & breakfast--truly so quaint. I am an over exclamation pointer, which means I have to go through each email and remove them for periods. I also try to match what the other person is like with their exclamations (is that chameleon of me? or weird? or bad? AH!). The question too is: do you open with an exclamation point, "I hope you're well!" or do you use it in some other way down the email. I ALSO wonder if this very different depending on gender in emails?
I think between friends exclamation goes conversationally at the front, and with everyone else it goes at the end as a "Hope you have a great weekend!"
Definitely female-to-female conversations would have more and male-to-male the least...but if we were to look at the same types of correspondence, then I bet things get a good deal fuzzier. It all comes down to how we try to share our enjoyement. Men need a certain degree of repose to share it with each other, but I do think the privacy of email lets them communicate this much more compared to the posturing that'd go on in public (not just broishly but simply masculinely).
Of course, they'll jump straight to displaying/inviting enjoyment with women, make it the primary mode of communication if possible. Male posturing offloads the enjoyment onto an other, which is why it gets disavowed...but posturing as the person who enjoys is obviously its own thing too.
Both parties over-enjoying I think is the most hazardous...it's like talking with knives.
Cassie! I felt every paragraph of this in my soul. The academic acronyms, my own lack of Poker Face--all of it. I love what you say about emailing like a human. Most of my emails now are with students. I find that when I start class emails/announcements with a more human type of intro, they are more likely to read it (and even respond). It makes it all feel a lot less lonely, for sure.
oh my gosh I wrote this thinking, "wow do I feel sad for myself OR WHAT?" but it's seriously how I feel. I love that you're thinking about your students when you're crafting emails as your most human self! And I totally agree on the loneliness factor. When it feels so ... contrived, it's hard to feel like you are in fact a person!!!
I LOVE me a good email. I think it's part of why I love newsletters that feel that way -- as yours does. And you're so right that sometimes publishing emails in particular can have such a coldness to them, which feels extra weird because in many ways it is such a personal business. Anyway, I have a lot of thoughts on this subject but thanks for a great newsletter!
<3 think you for this kindness. I would love to hear your thoughts, Alicia! (And now I'm going to read your books too as I'm dipping my toe into romance these days!). It's hard sometimes to figure out how to get personality infused into what is essentially a business email, but we gotta try.
here to provide any romance recs always!! there is also the flip side, where sometimes I inject personality into a business email and then get a very business-y response back and feel quite foolish, but . . . we gotta have our fun where we can!
Other than my "newwwwsletter" (excessive w's indicate a slight eye roll, at myself) I don't write many creative emails these days - more like quick in/out messages. But just like the handwritten letter, I'm kind of sad these are becoming less common. Email was an excellent resource as I was researching / sifting through memories/facts/chronology/details for my memoir. If I were to write a memoir of this current time of my life I guess I would have to search through....texts? Social media comments? Slack posts??? Ugh.
I love that there's a time when email was an archive of our truths and suddenly its an archive or something else? I also save so many emails for the one-day-memoir (yours is obviously much further along than mine), but it's fun to see a life history in email too. I wish it still had that vibe.
I love this, *and* I've tried to return to occasionally sending a friendly email just *because,* which feels like a throwback to the way we used to use email/to my life before email was so much of my work. (And Emily is one of my favorite people to talk to in any format, and one of very few people I'm not related to that I'll still actually call to talk! So whatever you were checking in about, I hope it was great!)
Oh my gosh I just connected that y’all might live close to one another, and of course your friends—that makes so much sense with both of your brilliance! I love the idea of a just because email.
I think more than the emoji (which doesn't fit), the exclamation point has become the signifier of friendliness in emails. One is almost a requesite...at the very least for the first back and fourth of the communication. But two or more is immediately excessive. And conversely, exclamation points on social media are always too much, even if that too much is often the point. Using them to actually exclaim something feels so quaint to me anymore...like visiting a bed and breakfast or something.
oh my gosh, the quaintness of a bed & breakfast--truly so quaint. I am an over exclamation pointer, which means I have to go through each email and remove them for periods. I also try to match what the other person is like with their exclamations (is that chameleon of me? or weird? or bad? AH!). The question too is: do you open with an exclamation point, "I hope you're well!" or do you use it in some other way down the email. I ALSO wonder if this very different depending on gender in emails?
I think between friends exclamation goes conversationally at the front, and with everyone else it goes at the end as a "Hope you have a great weekend!"
Definitely female-to-female conversations would have more and male-to-male the least...but if we were to look at the same types of correspondence, then I bet things get a good deal fuzzier. It all comes down to how we try to share our enjoyement. Men need a certain degree of repose to share it with each other, but I do think the privacy of email lets them communicate this much more compared to the posturing that'd go on in public (not just broishly but simply masculinely).
Of course, they'll jump straight to displaying/inviting enjoyment with women, make it the primary mode of communication if possible. Male posturing offloads the enjoyment onto an other, which is why it gets disavowed...but posturing as the person who enjoys is obviously its own thing too.
Both parties over-enjoying I think is the most hazardous...it's like talking with knives.
It’s SO MUCH to analyze, but I guess all communication is that way.
Wow. What a post. Love this
Appreciate you saying so, Sally!
Cassie! I felt every paragraph of this in my soul. The academic acronyms, my own lack of Poker Face--all of it. I love what you say about emailing like a human. Most of my emails now are with students. I find that when I start class emails/announcements with a more human type of intro, they are more likely to read it (and even respond). It makes it all feel a lot less lonely, for sure.
oh my gosh I wrote this thinking, "wow do I feel sad for myself OR WHAT?" but it's seriously how I feel. I love that you're thinking about your students when you're crafting emails as your most human self! And I totally agree on the loneliness factor. When it feels so ... contrived, it's hard to feel like you are in fact a person!!!
I LOVE me a good email. I think it's part of why I love newsletters that feel that way -- as yours does. And you're so right that sometimes publishing emails in particular can have such a coldness to them, which feels extra weird because in many ways it is such a personal business. Anyway, I have a lot of thoughts on this subject but thanks for a great newsletter!
<3 think you for this kindness. I would love to hear your thoughts, Alicia! (And now I'm going to read your books too as I'm dipping my toe into romance these days!). It's hard sometimes to figure out how to get personality infused into what is essentially a business email, but we gotta try.
here to provide any romance recs always!! there is also the flip side, where sometimes I inject personality into a business email and then get a very business-y response back and feel quite foolish, but . . . we gotta have our fun where we can!
Other than my "newwwwsletter" (excessive w's indicate a slight eye roll, at myself) I don't write many creative emails these days - more like quick in/out messages. But just like the handwritten letter, I'm kind of sad these are becoming less common. Email was an excellent resource as I was researching / sifting through memories/facts/chronology/details for my memoir. If I were to write a memoir of this current time of my life I guess I would have to search through....texts? Social media comments? Slack posts??? Ugh.
Love the term "literary matchmaker" here :)
I love that there's a time when email was an archive of our truths and suddenly its an archive or something else? I also save so many emails for the one-day-memoir (yours is obviously much further along than mine), but it's fun to see a life history in email too. I wish it still had that vibe.